Im Daddy's Lil' Girl

So a little bit about myself. A couple of days ago it was raining and I hadn't heard from my dad in a couple of hours (I live at home with my dad and his girlfriend). I hate when it rains because it makes me sit at home and think of all the depressing things that have happened in my life; one of the most depressing was the divorce between my parents.

I was eight years old at the time of the divorce and it was very hard on me. I remember seeing my dad carrying suitcases out of the house and asking where he was going and getting no response. At the age of eight of course I am not going to understand what is going on...but everything happened so quickly. I was so confused as to why my dad was never home. He was a hard worker; he owned two businesses and would leave at 5am and come home at 11pm everyday. All this was done to give his family a good life, well that life was now shattered.

Everyone's worlds had changed at this point. I didn't see my dad for the longest time and I wasn't understanding why he wasn't coming home. My mom's parents and brother moved into our home to help with watching us that way my mom could work and go to school. at the time I was in a private Armenian Elementary school which i had gotten pulled out of my at the end of fourth grade. Fifth grade i got placed in public school and I changed as a person. I saw all the destruction withing my family and tried to be the one who was strong for everyone else.

I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I wanted my dad to be home; and all our usual family friends over for cookout and events at the house. Why did it feel like everything that we built up was just crumbling down. Do parents really take the time to think of what they are doing when they have kids and what could happen if the marriage doesn't work out? I'm sure they do, and i really wouldn't know because i am only 23. As a child who suffered from this; its hard to see what people think of when they go through a divorce. Do they think about the future of their children and how they are going to be effected?

I didn't want my dad to leave. Even though he was in the same town; literally 5 miles away from our home, I only saw him once a week. Those years are a time in my life that I can't get back, and how can i not hate my mom and dad a little bit for putting me through this?

Am I being selfish? Am I looking at this in the wrong light?